Having one of those days.

A few days ago my husband and I got into a huge fight. He called me tons of names and told me he was cheating on me. The next day he said he wasn't but he was still mad at me for the horrible things I said to him back so now we are no longer speaking. In the middle if all of this he lost his wedding ring and as such he has not been wearing it.

I feel so defeated. We were having a great night he told me I was perfect and beautiful. I finally felt pretty, and then everything went to shit and now I'm miserable again. I can't even look in the mirror after everything he said I'm right back to square one, I spent my morning crying in my shower hating everything about myself. I can't take it anymore.

I am still doing insanity but I'm eating way to much food so while I can see muscle building I can still see tons of fat. :/ 

I feel so ugly, I keep looking in the mirror and telling myself it's all in my head and to ignore it but today I feel huge. It's like my arms are twice what they should be. I'm miserable and I feel hopeless. I called my brother after I showered and he talked me out of being stupid thank god. He just blames Matt for everything and I don't think that's right. If he cheated on me then I will leave him but I was screaming at him too and I was just as bad as him for it.

It's so confusing to me. I want a divorce but I want to have the guy I loved back. I wish I wasn't me. :(