I am home and Matt knows I am wanting to have sex to feel better and he is ignoring me for the tv like always. Case and point he is obviously not happy with me, instead he is on his phone and on the tv and I end up feeling like shit and hating myself. There is a voice in my head and it is repeating one phrase over and over again.
He is settling for you. He doesn't find you attractive. He doesn't want you.
When was the last time he initiated sex? It's been so long I honestly don't remember.
I fucking hate myself. I fucking HATE myself. Why can't I be good enough? Why can't he love me like I love him? Why do I spend every waking moment agonizing about what I can do to make him happy but he spends most of his time only seeing to please himself?
The answer is simple. I am not good enough to please him. He hates having sex with me he obviously doesn't consider my fat rolls a turn on. He doesn't want me he wants those girls in his videos.
I am just an ugly fat bitch that he regrets marrying.
I'm going to go cry now.
This is about me and my life. It is my journey through time and space and about personal discovery. This will be triggering and hard to read, you have been warned.
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