I'm unhappy

I'm unhappy with myself, with my marriage. I started the insanity program today and I am exausted after the fit test. How long can I go on like this. I hate this disorder. I want to be normal. But I also want to be skinny. 

I hate myself. I hate what this is turning me into. I need out. I need freedom. But I can't handle my husband anymore. I can't handle him sneaking looks at girls when we go out. I can't handle him preferring porn to sex. I was growing to hate him now I think it's just hate.

If you can't love the person you are with you should try to learn to love them again. The trouble is when you can't love them at all anymore. Then what so you do? Leave?

Someone save me from this nightmare. Seriously I can't handle it anymore. I'm not in control and I'm scared of what I am turning into. Save me from myself.