Monday, July 7, 2014

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I am unaware of a feeling more terrible than that of failure. A close second for me would be the feeling of being ignored. Currently I'm feeling both. It's impossible to explain why this bothers me so much. Maybe I really liked him, maybe I was replacing my ex with someone who was there not someone who was good for me, maybe I'm to fucked up to be happy.

Who the fuck knows.
More importantly who cares?

My eating has been erratic at best and chaotic at worst. Looks like I'm getting back to that crazy depressed state of not wanting to eat anything anymore. It drives me crazy that my brain works like this and that I need more than just oxygen in my lungs to survive. I have not been drinking enough water either. 

But who cares right? It's not like you have anyone left that cares about you.

Just deal with it. Cope to the best if your abilities and keep moving forward. 

I'm happy to say I can just stop eating again. My mom isn't triggering me as badly and I can slowly start to restrict and she won't notice just like before.

My parents are fighting non stop  as a result of that I'm wanting to avoid everyone. Unfortunately I still have to work so I cant avoid everything. Its to bad really because I'm starting to hate everything and everyone.  Fun shit.

Stay beautiful, 

Miss Sinister

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