Monday, July 14, 2014

140.4

I'm starting a liquid fast today, I am hoping to keep it going at least until Friday. Although I'm wanting to do two to three weeks at least. I am back on MPA and back to my unhealthy habits. It's funny how I spiral so badly, it drives me totally crazy. I need the control of restricting it keeps me sane, and doing this: 'Fuck it I don't care' bullshit and binging is killing me. I hate not feeling in control of my life and I can't stand how this entire epidemic is making me feel like a failure.

I tried talking to my boyfriend about it and he doesn't understand.  Not that I blame him he wants me to recover. The only reason I told him is because we promised to be honest always. (I even wrote a contract its awesome. I might post it up here for y'all to read someday.) I keep wondering if it's possible to have a relationship and have total control of myself at the same time.

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