So today is the day I attempt to break my self inflicted curse. No bingeing. No stupid mistakes. Just thinspo and hopefully a protein shake for dinner. That way if I am extremely lucky I can hit 133 by tomorrow. The goal is to hit 130 by Friday. That way I am only 15 pounds from my goal weight. I figure I'm going to take this one step at a time. I feel like five pounds a week is not an unreasonable goal.
Honestly though I would be comfortable with any weight loss no matter what the number; a loss is a loss.
Despite all that I almost totally missed a period. I only bled during sex, which really pisses me off. Why the hell am I only going to bleed when we fuck? I miss fun sex immensely. Like more than you will ever understand. Also I talked to Hansel and he is going to get rough with me now. I am beyond excited. I have replaced food with sex and it makes me ecstatic. Now if I could get back to the place where shit doesn't go wrong every single day I could be happy again.
Being happy about something other than weight loss or sex is a strange concept to me. I just find happiness in sex; getting off is what fuels me to keep going when shit gets hard in life. It is like when I wake up and the scale goes down in the morning. It becomes instant happiness. Gives me the will power to keep going. To stay strong.
I feel mighty today. Like I'm the best thing since unsweetened almond milk. I can not wait to hit the 120's, it's going to be a bloody miracle.
Much love lovelies!
Miss Sinister
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