I need to sleep and workout but I can't because I have a job interview. Which is surprisingly good news. I hope I get it, it's waiting tables so it involves being around food which I know will trigger me into not eating.
Also as a side note I totally just went to my interview and got the job! I am so excited! So I am very excited to be triggered into not eating every day. Is that bad is it wrong? I don't know anymore, I feel like shit on a fucking cracker.
I am back on MFC which is a cam site that basically does softcore porn. I am making okay money at it so I am pretty happy with it. Although I wish i was skinnier so I would look better on camera. I have a modeling gig up in San Antonio and another in Austin so I am hoping to lose some weight so I can go up there and look awesome on camera and make more money.
It sucks that I can't do what I love to do without feeling like I need to lose 60 pounds. I really do though.
I need to lose at least 60 pounds and I am not even joking. I stepped on a scale this morning and holy fuck balls I was 162 pounds y'all. I had to talk myself out of putting a gun in my mouth. So instead of killing myself I am eating MUCH MUCH less than a normal person would today. I have eaten 610 calories thus far today and I am making dinner tonight which I can not get out of eating because my mum is involved. Could be worse. I am making a broccoli crust pizza with low calorie everything. It should come out to 275 calories for half the pizza. My mom should be able to see me eat and be happy that I am making strides forward, Learning to beat the system. Although I suppose I am not really eating less than most people just less than I have this past week.
Lots of love to all of you out there, Stay safe,
Miss Sinister
This is about me and my life. It is my journey through time and space and about personal discovery. This will be triggering and hard to read, you have been warned.
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