This is the ultimate sin.

So here I sit, in the big dark empty house. Well not so much empty as full of nothing. There are people here, Outsiders with laws and big sticks, meant only to injure the ego. At least in the pack we settled things normally. We fought out our differences tooth and nail. Here they insult, guilt trip, leave you with bruises on your heart.

I’m not sure exactly what is happening. I suppose I should have some kind of witty comeback; there is that old expression: plenty of fish in the sea. But I’m not fishing, I’m out of bait and the lines all tangled. I suppose that’s what being in love feels like. I warned him about this; I said we had an expiration date. I knew it would be brief and ultimately painful. What I didn’t know was that it would be worth it.

This has been both the best and worst months of my life. I’m ready, like I’ve prepared myself to be, for the worst. Today when he left he took a piece of me with him, tomorrow, when he leaves for good, I won’t be getting it back.

If you asked me when this started if I thought it was a good idea to get involved I would have said no. I did say no. He convinced that it was worth it. That he was worth it. Love, it has everything to do with love. I didn’t believe in love, not the real, happy, fairytale kind anyhow. I’ve always looked at love like the love between pack mates, families, and friends. I’ve never loved somebody like this. I’ve never cared about somebody enough to really learn to love them. If you knew me before I met him, you know that I didn’t believe in love. That I didn’t even know what love was. Now however that is a different story.

Love no matter how brief, is still the most important thing that has ever happened to me. And no matter what happens in the future, love’s left its imprint on me, it’s changed me and I think it’s for the better.

Go where the wind takes you, learn where there are lessons to be learned, dance wherever you hear music, but above all things find love. Find it, hold it, and keep it close to your chest; but if your love needs you to, let it go. And hope that one day it will mean something more than the pain of parting.

With love,

Mayhem