I don't have internet at my house so I have a ton of unpublished entries that I will try to post up here as soon as possible. Mostly what you all need to know is B my boyfriend is super mad about it. I try to be honest with him but I don't want to worry him. I lost 6 pounds in two days. I'm not really okay but I'm not really not okay either. Maybe that's why I feel like he doesn't need to worry so much. I tried to talk to him about it and he just got super worried. NOT WORTH IT.
Currently I'm just trying to cope with this and it's difficult to say the least. I love him enough that I don't want to keep doing this but I can't not think like this. He is sitting here right next to me, not reading this mind you he is watching football, but he is telling me that he loves me. He loves me I know that, hell we are working toward building our lives together and buying property and building a home. He loves me in a healthy way that makes me really happy inside and out. But the truth is I only feel beautiful when I'm hungry.
It's difficult to explain to him because he isn't familiar with it. He is concerned about me and I know it. He is trying to be gentle and he asks me to eat all the time but I can't help how I feel. Even talking about it is making it worse. Fuck recovery. Seriously. What the fuck is wrong with me.
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