Hope it still is working.
This is about me and my life. It is my journey through time and space and about personal discovery. This will be triggering and hard to read, you have been warned.
Friday, June 28, 2013
Thursday, June 20, 2013
I am petrified to stand on my scale.
God only knows what I weigh.
I have been eating terribly and doing light exercise. What is wrong with me?
It seems like I go one step forward two back. I was down to 138. That's 8 pounds from my goal and I went and fucked it up by binging.
It's like I have been out to destroy myself.
No more.
Today this ends.
I am fucking done.
❤
Miss Sinister
Monday, June 17, 2013
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Thinking about life.
I'm back at 142...
There is no love anymore.
:(
Monday, June 10, 2013
Waffles under 200 calories
Low Carb Waffles
(Calculated with egg whites)
Serving size: 1 full waffle
Calories: 121
Ingredients
3 egg whites, or 2 egg whites plus 1 whole egg
2 Tablespoons of coconut flour
2 Tablespoon milk of choice (I used unsweetened almond milk)
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
sweetener to taste, optional (I used 1 packet of stevia)
Directions
Whip 2 of the egg whites to stiff peaks. You can either use a hand mixer, an egg beater, or a whisk if you want a workout. Once you have stiff peaks, stir in the coconut flour, milk of choice, baking powder, sweetener, and either 1 whole egg OR 1 egg white (depending on how much fat you want the waffles to have. I have used both successfully.). Heat up your waffle iron to the highest temperature, and grease or spray it with nonstick spray. Pour in the batter (You can do it in two batches if you need to.), and cook in the waffle iron until browned, about 3-4 minutes. Pull it out, top as desired, and eat!
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Whole Wheat Waffles
Yields 10 servings
Calories: 117
Ingredients:
1 cup Flour
1 cup Whole wheat Flour
1 tbsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
1 3/4 cups milk (I used 2%)
1/3 cup applesauce unsweetened
3 egg whites
Directions:
mix all ingredients in a bowl. (can be down by hand)
Use 1/3 cup of batter to make each waffle following the directions of your waffle iron.
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Crisp Traditional Waffle
Serves 8
Calories: 84
Ingredients:
- 1 cup all-purpose flour
- 1 teaspoon baking powder
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- 1 teaspoon butter, melted
- 1 teaspoon sugar
- 1 cup milk
- 1 egg, seperated
Directions:
Beat egg white in a small bowl until stiff. Set aside. Sift dry ingredients together in a medium bowl. Add egg yolk, milk and butter to the dry ingredients and beat together thoroughly. Fold in egg whites. Do not over mix. Pour 1/3-1/2 cup batter onto hot waffle iron. Cooking time and amount of batter will differ depending on the size of your waffle iron. Ours makes 2 small waffles at a time. This recipe makes 8 waffles in our maker.
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Belgian Waffles
Serves 6
Calories: 64
Ingredients:
- 1/2 cup whole wheat flour
- 1/4 cup soy flour
- 2 tsp baking powder
- 1/2 cup soy milk
- 1/4 cup apple sauce
- 1/4 to 1/2 cup water
Directions:
Sift flours and baking powder together. Add beaten egg whites, milk, and apple sauce. Batter will be very thick. Add sufficient water until desired texture. Bake using a waffle iron.
Under 350 calories pancakes and waffles
EatingWell Waffles
These healthy waffles are made from a blend of whole-wheat and regular flour plus nonfat buttermilk and canola oil. Top with fresh berries or sliced peaches and yogurt for a satisfying start to any day.
Yield: 6 servings
Ingredients
- 1 cup whole-wheat flour
- 1 cup all-purpose flour
- 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- 1/4 teaspoon baking soda
- 2 cups nonfat buttermilk, (see Tip)
- 1 large egg, separated
- 1 tablespoon canola oil
- 1 tablespoon vanilla extract, (optional)
- 2 large egg whites
- 2 tablespoons sugar
Preparation
- Stir whole-wheat flour, all-purpose flour, baking powder, salt and baking soda in a large bowl. Whisk buttermilk, the egg yolk, oil and vanilla (if using) in a separate bowl. Add the wet ingredients to the dry ingredients and stir with a wooden spoon just until moistened.
- Beat the 3 egg whites in a grease-free mixing bowl with an electric mixer until soft peaks form. Add sugar and continue beating until stiff and glossy. Whisk one-quarter of the beaten egg whites into the batter. Fold in the remaining beaten egg whites with a rubber spatula.
- Preheat a waffle iron. Brush the surface lightly with oil. Fill the waffle iron two-thirds full of batter. Cook until the waffles are crisp and golden, 5 to 6 minutes. Repeat with the remaining batter, brushing the surface with oil before cooking each batch.
Tips & Notes
- Tip: No buttermilk? You can use buttermilk powder prepared according to package directions. Or make “sour milk”: the ratio is 1 tablespoon lemon juice or vinegar to 1 cup milk.
Nutrition Per serving:
241 calories; 4 g fat (0 g sat, 2 g mono); 37 mg cholesterol; 41 g carbohydrates; 11 g protein; 3 g fiber; 450 mg sodium; 285 mg potassium.
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Cranberry Pancakes
Start your day off right with these easy pancakes, packed with cranberry's sour spike. One of you can make the coffee and heat the maple syrup while the other makes the pancakes. It's instant relationship bliss.
Ingredients
- 1/2 cup fresh cranberries
- 1/4 cup all-purpose flour
- 2 tablespoons plus 2 teaspoons whole-wheat flour
- 1 tablespoon yellow cornmeal
- 1 tablespoon sugar
- 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
- 1/8 teaspoon salt
- 1/8 teaspoon ground nutmeg, or 1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract
- 6 tablespoons nonfat milk
- 2 tablespoons pasteurized egg substitute, such as Egg Beaters
- 1 1/2 teaspoons walnut or canola oil
Preparation
- Bring 2 inches of water to a boil in a small saucepan. Add cranberries; boil for 2 minutes. Drain and cool for 5 minutes.
- Meanwhile, whisk all-purpose flour, whole-wheat flour, cornmeal, sugar, baking powder, salt and nutmeg (if using) in a large bowl.
- Whisk milk, egg substitute, oil and vanilla (if using) in a small bowl until combined.
- Coarsely chop the cranberries; stir into the milk mixture. Stir the milk mixture into the dry ingredients just until combined.
- Coat a griddle or large nonstick skillet with cooking spray; heat over medium heat. Using 1/4 cup of batter for each pancake, cook 2 pancakes at a time until bubbles dot the surface, 2 to 3 minutes. Flip and continue cooking until browned, 1 to 2 minutes more. Repeat with the remaining batter.
Nutrition Per serving:
189 calories; 4 g fat (0 g sat, 1 g mono); 1 mg cholesterol; 34 g carbohydrates; 6 g protein; 3 g fiber; 336 mg sodium; 185 mg potassium.
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Multi-Grain Waffles
Traditional waffles are a butter-laden, high-carb indulgence, but they make the transition to good fats and smart carbs beautifully, yielding crisp, nutty-tasting waffles with all the sweet pleasure of the original. The batter can also be used for pancakes.
Ingredients
- 2 cups buttermilk
- 1/2 cup old-fashioned rolled oats
- 2/3 cup whole-wheat flour
- 2/3 cup all-purpose flour
- 1/4 cup toasted wheat germ, or cornmeal
- 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
- 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
- 1/4 teaspoon salt
- 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
- 2 large eggs, lightly beaten
- 1/4 cup packed brown sugar
- 1 tablespoon canola oil
- 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
Preparation
- Mix buttermilk and oats in a medium bowl; let stand for 15 minutes.
- Whisk whole-wheat flour, all-purpose flour, wheat germ (or cornmeal), baking powder, baking soda, salt and cinnamon in a large bowl.
- Stir eggs, sugar, oil and vanilla into the oat mixture. Add the wet ingredients to the dry ingredients; mix with a rubber spatula just until moistened.
- Coat a waffle iron with cooking spray and preheat. Spoon in enough batter to cover three-fourths of the surface (about 2/3 cup for an 8-by-8-inch waffle iron). Cook until waffles are crisp and golden brown, 4 to 5 minutes. Repeat with remaining batter.
Tips & Notes
- Make Ahead Tip: Wrap any leftovers individually in plastic wrap and refrigerate for up to 2 days or freeze for up to 1 month. Reheat in a toaster or toaster oven.
Nutrition Per serving:
188 calories; 4 g fat (1 g sat, 2 g mono); 55 mg cholesterol; 30 g carbohydrates; 8 g protein; 3 g fiber; 328 mg sodium; 227 mg potassium.
Two new products!
Let me start by saying I have yet to try these myself but any time you can cut calories and eat pasta I'm stoked!
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Fiber Gourmet
These folks have awesome reviews and offer pasta and crackers with half the calories of their traditional partners. I'm a huge pasta fanatic so when I really crave pasta this is where I will turn from now on. Thus far I think they are only sold online, but for the calorie savings this is worth it!
Walden Farms
These folks have varied reviews on their products some are excellent some are bad. They offer tons of zero calorie spreads dips and dressings. Even chocolate marshmallow and caramel! So you can indulge without cheating on your diet. They are available at HEB so I'm buying some ASAP!
I will say there is no way it is actually zero calories, but has to have less than 1 calorie a serving to claim to be zero calories. So I count it as one calorie for every serving because I'm a crazy person who counts everything that comes near my mouth.
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When I get paid again I will buy these and post a review on their tastes. Until then buy with caution!
Miss Sinister
Saturday, June 8, 2013
Horrible day.
I feel like a horrid person. I ate my weight in food today several times over. I ran a bit but not enough to make it count.
I feel like a pig but I would probably eat another burger if I had one they were just that good. Matt ate two as well. But then I had pudding and French fries too.
I only managed to get a small amount of it up and I'm praying it was good enough to not have gained anything by morning.
I was down to 139 but I know I fucked that up royally.
What is wrong with me?
Friday, June 7, 2013
Some one save me from myself
I binge when I know better. I'm not even hungry I just want to eat.
Go fuck your self fat girl.
You will never be perfect if you keep this up!
I fucked up tonight zzz
Pray for me I freaking need it.
I managed to get up the popcorn but not the tacos. Hopefully I won't gain weight. :/
Thursday, June 6, 2013
151.5
I don't care if it hurts, I want to have control. I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul.
I find that dieting and exercise gives me control over my life that I can't get any other way.
When Matthew is mad and screaming and being hurtful I used to cry. but I've realized I can't stop him. I can't control his actions or words. The only thing I can control is me.
It's my hand and my mouth. I am the only one who can give into temptation. The only one who can fail. I am also the only one who can make myself succeed.
I've been thinking quite a bit about going public on here again and I don't think I'm going to. I think I'm just going to post up skinny friendly stuff on a different girls blog.
While I'm sure I could use the motivation of someone commenting on here I think people reading my innermost thoughts will only lead to a bad place. So for now I will let it be.
Much love and think thin!
<3
Miss Sinister
150 or less deserts.
http://www.myrecipes.com/m/recipe/chocolate-amaretti-peaches-10000001995725/#
Yield: 8 servings (serving size: 1 peach half)
Ingredients:
- 1/2 cup crushed amaretti cookies (about 8 cookies)
- 2 tablespoons brown sugar
- 4 large ripe peaches, halved and pitted
- Cooking spray
- 8 teaspoons butter
- 1 ounce bittersweet chocolate, shaved
Directions:
- 1. Preheat broiler.
- 2. Combine cookie crumbs and sugar in a small bowl.
- 3. Hollow center of peach halves using a melon baller. Fill each peach half with 1 rounded tablespoon cookie crumb mixture. Arrange peaches in an 11 x 7-inch glass or ceramic baking dish coated with cooking spray. Place 1 teaspoon butter on top of each filled half. Broil 2 minutes or until butter melts. Sprinkle evenly with chocolate. Cool 5 minutes before serving.
Calories: 117
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http://www.myrecipes.com/m/recipe/fudgy-brownies-10000002012802/#
Yield: 16 squares (serving size: 1 square
Ingredients:
- 4.5 ounces all-purpose flour (1 cup)
- 1/2 cup unsweetened cocoa
- 1/4 teaspoon salt
- 1/3 cup butter
- 2 ounces dark chocolate, chopped
- 1 cup granulated sugar
- 1/4 cup 1% low-fat milk
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- 2 large egg yolks
- 1 large egg
- Cooking spray
Directions:
- 1. Preheat oven to 350°.
- 2. Weigh or lightly spoon flour into a dry measuring cup; level with a knife. Combine flour, cocoa, and salt in a medium bowl; stir with a whisk.
- 3. Place butter and chocolate in a medium microwave-safe bowl, and microwave at HIGH for 45 seconds, stirring every 15 seconds. Stir until smooth, and set aside. Cool slightly. Add 1 cup sugar, milk, 1 teaspoon vanilla extract, egg yolks, and egg; stir with a whisk to combine. Add butter mixture to flour mixture, stirring just until combined. Pour batter into an 8-inch square metal baking pan coated with cooking spray. Bake at 350° for 20 minutes or until a wooden pick inserted in center comes out almost clean.
Calories: 147
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http://www.myrecipes.com/m/recipe/butterscotch-bars-10000001886427/#
Yield: 36 servings (serving size: 1 bar)
Ingredients:
- 1 cup packed brown sugar
- 5 tablespoons butter, melted
- 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
- 1 large egg, lightly beaten
- 9 ounces all-purpose flour (about 2 cups)
- 2 1/2 cups quick-cooking oats
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
- Cooking spray
- 3/4 cup fat-free sweetened condensed milk
- 1 1/4 cups butterscotch morsels (about 8 ounces)
- 1/8 teaspoon salt
- 1/2 cup finely chopped walnuts, toasted
Directions:
Hands On: 12 Minutes
Total: 1 Hour, 7 Minutes
- 1. Preheat oven to 350°.
- 2. Combine sugar and butter in a large bowl. Stir in vanilla and egg. Weigh or lightly spoon flour into dry measuring cups; level with a knife. Combine flour, oats, 1/2 teaspoon salt, and baking soda in a bowl. Add oat mixture to sugar mixture; stir with a fork until combined (mixture will be crumbly). Place 3 cups oat mixture into the bottom of a 13 x 9-inch baking pan coated with cooking spray; press into bottom of pan. Set aside.
- 3. Place sweetened condensed milk, butterscotch morsels, and 1/8 teaspoon salt in a microwave-safe bowl; microwave at HIGH 1 minute or until butterscotch morsels melt, stirring every 20 seconds. Stir in walnuts. Scrape mixture into pan, spreading evenly over crust. Sprinkle evenly with remaining oat mixture, gently pressing into butterscotch mixture. Bake at 350° for 30 minutes or until the topping is golden brown. Place pan on a cooling rack; run a knife around outside edge. Cool completely.
Calories: 148
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http://www.myrecipes.com/m/recipe/mango-lime-ice-10000000223072/#
Yield: 8 servings (serving size: 1/2 cup)
Ingredients:
- 3 cups coarsely chopped peeled ripe mango (about 4 mangos)
- 1 1/2 cups water
- 1/2 cup fresh lime juice (about 6 limes)
- 1 cup sugar
- 2 teaspoons grated orange rind
Directions:
- Combine all the ingredients in a blender or food processor, and process until smooth (the ingredients may need to be processed in 2 batches).
- Press mango mixture through a fine sieve over a bowl; discard solids. Pour mixture into an 8-inch square baking dish; cover and freeze 4 hours or until firm. Place mixture in a food processor, and process until slushy. Freeze for 3 hours. Soften slightly in the refrigerator for 30 minutes before serving.
Calories: 142
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Servings 6
Ingredients:
- 2 cups whole milk
- 3 (3 x 1-inch) strips fresh lemon rind
- 1 (2-inch) cinnamon stick
- 7 tablespoons sugar, divided
- 2 tablespoons cornstarch
- 1/8 teaspoon salt
- 3 large egg yolks
Directions:
- 1. Heat milk over medium-high heat in a small heavy saucepan to 180° or until tiny bubbles form around edge (do not boil). Remove from heat. Add rind and cinnamon; cover and let stand 30 minutes. Discard rind and cinnamon.
- 2. Combine 1/4 cup sugar, cornstarch, and salt in a small bowl, stirring well with a whisk. Add 1/4 cup milk to sugar mixture, stirring until smooth. Return milk mixture to pan; cook over medium-low heat 7 minutes or until almost thick, stirring constantly with a whisk. Place egg yolks in a small bowl. Gradually pour one-third of hot milk mixture into yolks, stirring constantly with a whisk. Carefully return yolk mixture to pan. Cook over low heat 4 minutes or until a thermometer registers 180°, stirring constantly with a whisk. Divide custard evenly among 6 (4-ounce) custard cups; press plastic wrap against surface of custard. Chill at least 4 hours.
- 3. Remove plastic; discard. Sprinkle remaining 3 tablespoons sugar evenly over custards. Holding a kitchen blowtorch about 2 inches from the top of each custard, heat the sugar, moving the torch back and forth, until sugar is completely melted and caramelized (about 1 minute). Serve immediately or within 1 hour.
Calories: 142
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http://www.myrecipes.com/m/recipe/lavender-scented-strawberries-with-honey-cream-10000001973631/#
Yield: 8 servings
Ingredients:
- 1/3 cup water
- 1/3 cup sugar
- 1/2 teaspoon dried lavender (such as McCormick)
- 1/2 teaspoon unflavored gelatin
- 1 tablespoon water
- 1/4 cup honey
- 2 tablespoons cornstarch
- 1/8 teaspoon salt
- 3 large egg yolks
- 1 cup 2% reduced-fat milk
- 1 (6-ounce) container 2% Greek-style plain yogurt
- 2 cups quartered strawberries
Directions:
- 1. Bring first 3 ingredients to a boil in a small saucepan; cook 1 minute or until sugar dissolves, stirring occasionally. Remove from heat; let stand 10 minutes. Strain syrup through a sieve into a small bowl; discard solids. Chill.
- 2. Sprinkle gelatin over 1 tablespoon water in a small bowl. Let stand 1 minute or until gelatin dissolves.
- 3. Combine honey, cornstarch, salt, and egg yolks in a medium bowl; stir well with a whisk.
- 4. Heat milk over medium-high heat in a small heavy saucepan to 180° or until tiny bubbles form around edge (do not boil). Gradually add hot milk to egg mixture, stirring constantly with a whisk. Return milk mixture to pan. Cook over medium heat until thick and bubbly (about 2 minutes), stirring constantly. Remove from heat; add gelatin mixture, stirring well. Pour milk mixture into a bowl; stir occasionally until cool but not set (about 20 minutes). Stir in yogurt. Spoon 1/4 cup yogurt mixture into each of 8 dessert glasses or bowls. Cover and chill at least 2 hours.
- 5. Top each serving with 1/4 cup strawberries, and drizzle with 2 teaspoons syrup.
Calories: 135
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Yield: 2 1/2 dozen (serving size: 1 biscotto)
Ingredients:
- 9.5 ounces whole-wheat flour (about 2 cups)
- 2 tablespoons flaxseed
- 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
- 1/4 teaspoon salt
- 1/3 cup granulated sugar
- 1/3 cup packed dark brown sugar
- 2 large egg whites
- 1 large egg
- 1 1/2 teaspoons vanilla extract
- 2/3 cup dark chocolate chips (such as Hershey's)
- 3/4 cup unsalted almonds
Directions:
- 1. Preheat oven to 350°.
- 2. Weigh or lightly spoon flour into dry measuring cups; level with a knife. Combine flour, flaxseed, soda, and salt in a bowl, stirring with a whisk. Combine sugars, egg whites, and egg in a bowl; beat with a mixer at high speed for 2 minutes. Add vanilla; mix well. Add flour mixture to egg mixture; stir until combined. Fold in chocolate and almonds. Divide dough into 3 equal portions. Roll each portion into a 6-inch-long roll. Arrange rolls 3 inches apart on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper. Pat to a 1-inch thickness. Bake at 350° for 28 minutes or until firm.
- 3. Remove rolls from baking sheet; cool 10 minutes on a wire rack. Cut rolls diagonally into 30 (1/2-inch) slices. Place, cut sides down, on baking sheet. Reduce oven temperature to 325°; bake 7 minutes. Turn cookies over; bake 7 minutes (cookies will be slightly soft in center but will harden as they cool). Remove from baking sheet; cool on wire rack.
Calories: 94
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http://www.myrecipes.com/m/recipe/cherry-merlot-granita-10000001988517/#
Yield: 8 servings (serving size: about 1/3 cup)
Ingredients:
- 1 cup water
- 1/4 cup sugar
- 1 cup ice cubes
- 1 large navel orange
- 1 cup frozen pitted dark sweet cherries
- 1 cup merlot
Directions:
- 1. Combine 1 cup water and sugar in a small saucepan. Bring to a boil; reduce heat, and simmer 3 minutes. Remove from heat; stir in ice cubes.
- 2. While sugar mixture comes to a boil, grate rind, and squeeze juice from orange to measure 1 tablespoon and 1/2 cup, respectively.
- 3. Place cherries and sugar mixture in a blender; process for 1 minute or until pureed, stopping as necessary to scrape sides. Stir in rind, juice, and 1 cup merlot; pour into an 8-inch square pan. Cover and freeze for 8 hours or until firm.
- 4. Remove mixture from freezer; scrape entire mixture with a fork until fluffy.
Calories: 70
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Strawberry Frozen Yogurt
Servings 6, 1/2 cup each
Ingredients:
4 cups strawberries, hulled
1/3 cup sugar
2 tablespoons orange juice
1/2 cup nonfat or low-fat plain yogurt
Directions:
1. Place berries in a food processor and process until smooth, scraping down the sides as necessary. Add sugar and orange juice; process for a few seconds. Add yogurt and pulse several times until blended. Transfer to a bowl. Cover and refrigerate until chilled, about 1 hour or overnight.
2. Pour the strawberry mixture into an ice cream maker and freeze according to manufacturer's directions. Serve immediately or transfer to a storage container and let harden in the freezer for 1 to 1 1/2 hours. Serve in chilled dishes.
Tip:
MAKE AHEAD TIP: Freeze for up to 1 week. Let soften in the refrigerator for 1/2 hour before serving.
Equipment: Ice cream maker
Calories: 82
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Chocolate & Nut Butter Bites
Servings 4
Ingredients:
8 1/4-ounce squares bittersweet chocolate
4 teaspoons almond, cashew or pistachio butter
Directions:
1. Top each chocolate square with 1/2 teaspoon nut butter of your choice (almond, cashew, pistachio).
Calories: 79
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