Me and Food

I can't look at food without wanting to throw up. I need to lose weight so it's not a bad thing but now I can't want to eat.

I tried to talk to Matthew about it all and he just tried to force me to eat. He still is so now I'm hiding it all from him.

Is it anorexia if I'm fat and don't eat?
Or is it only a sickness if you are to skinny to survive?

I want to be skinny and beautiful. Why can't I just be beautiful?