WTF IS WRONG WITH ME!?!?!?!?!?!

So first thing in the morning I am going to take a hoodia instead of my adderal and see if it can help me boost my metabolism and not be hungry all day. I also need to stop eating out of boredom. Like fucking now. This shit is getting ridiculous. I'm 144 pounds. God forbid I get any fatter or my boyfriend will freaking dump me.

What the fuck is wrong with me.

I feel like I have no self control. Like I can't do anything right. Some one please help me. Please get me back to a beautiful person. I want to be 120 pounds. I think I can do it I just need to drink a fucking ton of water.

Then I will be able to wear my swim suit and go out and feel pretty. Until then I will just have to be an ugly short little girl. Who will never be good enough ever.

So fucking there.

Rehab

So I am feeling like I'm useless and fat and ugly and that why would anyone want me.

Then I want to go eat to feel better.

But then I get fatter.

WTF is wrong with me.

I fucking can't do anything right
I don't know what is wrong with me.

I want to cry.

Please god help me live my life like I'm not a terrible person. I want to be all those good things they said I was.

I need rehab from life.

I'm going to go do drugs. then when I feel better I am going to clean my whole house and be happy that shit is getting done. :] I may be ugly but I have some will power I can be beautiful it just takes time.

I will be better.
I just need to do it.
Self control is key.

Wish I Knew

I wish I knew what to do

To make you look at me like I want you too

I wish I knew what you think

When you go out all night to fucking drink

I wish I knew how to say

That I'm tired of living through the day

I wish I knew the pain inside

Would go away like tears I've cried

I wish I knew how to be pretty

Like all the girls in this city

But I'm not them

And there not me

So I guess I'm ugly

As can be

Fuck my mother fucking life.

So I can't stand myself.

My boyfriend looks at me like I'm ugly and he doesn't even get it.

I feel ugly.

I feel fat.

Help.

[IMG]http://i250.photobucket.com/albums/gg264/addison2341/anorexia.gif[/IMG]