I guess I'm a nobody.

If there are more of you than there are of me that makes you the majority. I feel alone. Like I'm not even supposed to be here anymore. Like I'm not even alive anymore.

If you want to say that we are perfect for each other then mean it. I haven't always been very confident about who I am and what I want so I've just been pretending to be somebody else for a while. I have tried to make you happy but then you turn around and you say that you treat me like a goddess and that I don't do anything for you.

I thought we were in this together. I guess I was wrong.

So I don't treat you right and I don't take care of you, or bring you lunch, or call you 24/7. Maybe I'm just not good enough for you. Get over it. If you don't want me then okay goodbye. I don't mind being alone in fact I do that quite often. I am always fucking alone. I'm okay with that. I'm just going to fuck and get drunk and forget you.

-Mayhem

Fuck the world.
Fuck you.
If you want to fight,
lets fight.
I will tear you into
PEICES.


Fuck you.
Fuck this.

Good bye.

Because I will never be
good enough for you.


Ever.

Suicidal Ramblings

So last night one of my best friends in the whole wide world called me normally this would be a good thing. Last night was not a good thing. Well It kind of was but now I'm really confused and hurt and I don't know what to do. Have you ever watched someone that you love dearly be mistreated beaten and broken by someone else that you love dearly? And then seen them do the exact same shit over and over again in a never ending cycle? Well I have and it seems like things just don't change. I'm sad scared and lonely and I have no one to turn to. No one I can talk about this shit with. I have no one. I am alone and this scares the shit out of me. I want to die. I want to kill my self go on a trip and not come back I need some fucking guidance but there is nothing here at all. It is only me and my dog.


I wonder if that's really my sad ass excuse for living. My dog would have no one to love or care for her besides my mom and that is not a healthy household. Uri said she would care for my puppy but Uri can't even take care of her self. And D, is really just lost. So I am alone and pack-less scared and did I mention alone?

Cutting helps relieve the pain.

So in the end what do I have? A dog, a sad lonely puppy that needs me as much as I need her. Around five minutes after getting her I knew that she would be my savior. Who knew she would be the only thing keeping me from suicide. Don't worry. I'm fine. I really mean it this time. Just leave me the fuck alone.

Mayhem