Death to the Outsiders [Or Maybe Just Me]

Time to complain:

Okay if you are reading this and you think for even one second that something might have to do with you, it probably does. And I am most likely pissed at you and you should walk on fucking eggshells for a few days until I get my bearings or until you all shut the fuck up and listen to what I am god damn saying.

Firstly I’m going to talk about Wolf.

I’ve come to the realization that I am a walking train wreak. I’m sleeping with a guy, who is absolutely fucking fantastic in bed and for a good long while that was all he wanted. Then he left his girlfriend, and then he started to like me, now he wants to date me. What the fuck did I just do?

Please tell me I did not just play bitch and roll over and let him win. I did not submit to an Outsider. I did not kiss a fucking Outsider and like it. I did not just agree to be said Outsider’s girlfriend.

Am I single? Is it monogamous? Am I a fucking placeholder until someone better comes along? Do I have any idea what the fuck is going on? Does he? Why does this give me more questions than it does answers? Aren't relationships supposed to be healthy?

Wolf you also have the wonderful habit of talking about things that I would rather keep quiet. You’re an Outsider, and sometimes when I live in my little delusional world, I forget that. As such you don’t understand pack rules. Because you don’t understand, you shouldn't talk about it. Do me a favor and shut up before you get me into trouble I can’t get out of. If you like me so goddamn much, do me at least that favor.

You know what? Fuck this. Fuck that. I am not a piece of meat. I did not let him mark me and NO, I DO NOT LIKE AN OUTSIDER. End of fucking story.

Even if I really do like him, I am no longer admitting it. [Or perhaps just in private company. >.<]

Okay I really like him and I am pissed that I don't understand him and that he doesn't understand me. But don't look to shocked by this admission or by this rant. This lioness is looking for a way out of her cage and for the moment the only way to do that is by raging against the bars.

Next up on my train of destruction. Mouse.

Hey there sweetheart. You have been a right doll and you are always there when I need a little girl time. Unfortunately, you also have the wonderful habit of pissing me the fuck off. You say you want my life. Well if you want it so much then fucking take it.

Here’s your checklist:
Dress like a whore
Meet a drug dealer
Get addicted to drugs
Become a whore for aforementioned drugs
Get addicted to aforementioned drug dealer
Get off drugs
Get addicted to sex
Lose EVERYONE important to you
[And the list goes on an on.]

Now reading that list is just a fucking starter, it’s a taste of some of the bad shit I've been though. I’ll be the first one to tell everyone I meet about my awesome stories and all of the good times I've had. What I don’t talk about is the shit that went wrong for me to get there.

Sometimes, like with Wolf, I forget that you are an outsider. And as such, I forget that you have a hard time understanding what I consider normal. You don’t have the same mannerisms, and obviously no matter how hard you try you will never be like me. You don’t want a pack because you don’t understand the pack way of life. You don’t have the genetics, and I’m sorry sweat heart but that is required.

You are not being my friend. You are being a groupie. Stop idolizing me, I am not the almighty and while I think it’s cute that you want to be like me, I think it’s damn near time you got your own perspective and you started living your own life.

Also thanks for comparing me to a drug addict ass-face you used to know. That really won you serious brownie points.

Lastly what I said was true I don’t care what you call me or if you talk shit about me when I can’t make it to something that you want me to go to. I don’t care if you hit me or throw things at me like a child. I don’t give a fuck about any of that. Why you ask? Because you’re not in my pack and that means whatever you say or do doesn't matter. The only people who matter aren't Outsiders, because Outsider’s don’t understand.

And next… Pan?

Hey there Pan, today I realized it’s us against the world. Thanks for helping me avoid that special bullet with my name on it. I’m so glad I have you to help me believe there are others out there. If there are, then we will find them and bring them home.

Then in a truly SINISTER fashion:

All of my problems went poof and I got my happy ending, that I don't deserve and that doesn't exist.

Sincerely,
Mayhem