We haven't had sex in more than a week. It's hard on me because he dosn't seem to have me on his list of priorities. I mean to say that I know I am on it I am just at the very bottom.
And I wish I wasn't. I don't have to be at the top. I just want to be anywhere but the bottom.
I really just want my needs to be looked at my wants to be cared for. But instead I am called needy for wanting to have sex more than once a week. I'm needy for wanting my back rubbed or to be kissed goodnight.
Seriously fuck everything. I'm not needy I just want someone to show that they care about me. If that's more than he can do shouldn't I leave? It's not asking a lot to have someone tell me they love me when I cook and clean and take care of him. When I go out of my way to tell him I love you every day. I do so much for him and all I get is a kiss goodbye as he leaves me.
I'm sick of it. So beyond sick of it I can not even tell you. I just want to feel loved and appreciated. He told me one night when he was drunk that he loved me and loved everything I do for him but I get nothing in return. Seems freaking fair don't it?
I'm going to start crying now and I don't want to be a baby so I guess I will go to bed.
Goodnight no one. I wish my husband loved me more than anything in the world. Like I do for him. Since I can can't have that I guess I can pray for him to make changes. Although then I am sure he will find someone new who will make him happy.
At least then I can just kill myself and make it all go away right?
Fair skies and flat seas,
SM
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