Because the mirror hurts worse than a little hunger & I’d rather feel a little nauseous than hideous & imperfect.

I'm a bit sore but it seems pretty good.

Today is a big day.

:D

Miss Sinister

They call me a 'flight risk'

I'm a runner. In more ways than one.

When shit gets hard I take off.

I'm a flight risk.

But I ran tonight for three miles straight.

I ran till I was lightheaded and dizzy.
I ran until I couldn't think or move or breath. I ran until I came to a place that was good. Where nothing mattered but the sweat on my back and pain in my body.

I feel great, I have not felt so alive in forever.

Thank god for running because without it I think I would be dead.

Miss Sinister

Mistakes

I think you were a mistake.

I think us dating was a huge mistake.

I think us wanting to get married was the worst mistake.

I can't do this anymore.

Bye

Barely got my lunch down.

Wether that's good or bad who knows but I've been so nauseous it sucks.

I'm going to make sure to take my raspberry pill tonight so my metabolism doesn't slow down.

Dress shopping for the wedding has this far been terrible but apparently I'm around a size 10 at the moment so four more sizes isn't a ton to lose. I can't find a dress I like let alone love enough to get married in. My mom is taking me dress shopping on Saturday so hopefully it all works out okay.

On a side note I'm really scared that Matthew doesn't love me anymore. There is nothing that makes me want to curl up in bed with cheese cake more than that fact. He always is going out to bars and getting drunk and he never invites me. I'm scared he is out looking for something, or worse yet someone better.

I love him; I don't want to live without him but this is ridiculous. I was serious when I said I did not want to play games. I don't even know if he really wants to get married or not.

I'm going to keep losing weight until I'm perfect then he will have to love me.

I'm so freaking emotional right now I want to cry.

Please send me an angel, I could use some help right now.

~
Miss Sinister

An imperfect body reflects an imperfect person

Going to do my Zumba tonight.

I will not be a slave to obesity.

I will do my best to make the change for a healthy lifestyle.

I will not be this anymore.

Miss Sinister

My scale must be broken... I hope. :(

I did everything right and I gained a pound. Help!!!!!!

So last night....

I binged like a fat ugly skank and then vomited it all back up.

Today I lost a pound. Thank the gods.

I will never do that again no more cheating.

That was the worst feeling of my life.

Thank god I didn't gain weight.

I cheated on my diet

Huge binge now I feel sick.

Fat fucking whore.

I can't feel motivated

I don't even want to work out.
What is wrong with me?

152

"There are few women so perfect that their husbands do not regret having married them at least once a day."

I saw this post the other day and It has inspired me to being a better wife. To be perfect.

I'm down to 152 after a shit day yesterday. So I'm going to work out and do my Zumba today. :3

I will be the perfect wife to my husband.

Much love! <3

Miss Sinister

If I eat it now I won’t taste it tomorrow, so what’s the point?

Ana give me strength.

Today was good I did Zumba!

After 585 calories burned via exercise, I feel fucking awesome!

Look what My Fitness Pal gave me!!!

What the fuck.

I managed to gain a pound. What is wrong with me?

I had a bad day yesterday.

I ate around 1200 calories and did a minimal workout because my neck was so sore.

I was so scared I would gain weight but I'm at 153.5! I ate super well this morning and I'm drinking water all day until I get home. Then I'm eating celery! :3 Awesome me!

I will be beautiful in my wedding dress.

Miss Sinister

I forgot to mention...

Last night I fucked up and ate fajitas and binged so badly my calories were about 1400 and some change. But thank god I still lost a pound!

I am at 154 pounds! Send me good thoughts I need it to keep going strong!

I ate terribly today too but stayed at around 800-900 calories and exercised off like 300 of it.

Tomorrow I am drinking tea, 0 calories, and eating salad, 210 calories, and celery, about 30 calories. I am going to stay strong and do this because I will be beautiful on my wedding day. I need to be down to a size 6. That's what I want and need lets get it done!!!!

Keep me in your thoughts!!!
<3
Miss Sinister

You will never regret a work out!

My workout was so intense. I danced for an hour and ten minutes then did abs and legs for another 30 minutes. It feels like I'm dying. But it was so worth it! Then when I totaled it up it said if everyday was like today I would weigh 139.7 pounds in five weeks.

I am fucking stoked!!!

So I am looking hard core into wedding dresses. I hope I can find a cute one that will make Matthew proud to show me off!

I keep thinking that I am going to make it to my goal weight by the wedding, so hopefully mind over matter will help me make it through!

Wish me luck I need it!

<3
Miss Sinister

Managed to Fuck up.

I ate tomatoes and cheese.

It's healthy but I still feel like a fat cow.

Oh my fucking god.

I had a Starbucks coffee... 550 calories! FML!

Although My Fitness Pal gave me this!

THINSPORATION!

This is what I want. I can do this!

Just ate celery

That's all for today! I'm so happy hopefully I can stick with this!

I love feeling thin and beautiful.

Still at 157!! Help!

I am getting married in four months! And I won't fit into my dress! My wedding dress! Fuck my fucking life!

I am on a hard core diet and exercise until I hit a size 6. I need to look fabulous in my wedding dress.

I will be thin and beautiful on my wedding day! Nothing but celery when I go home today! And maybe some Zumba with my vitamins!!

Much love!

Miss Sinister

I am doing horrid.

Hopefully I can get some control soon.

157

Fat ugly cow.

:(

What is wrong with me?

Oh Ana give me strength!

I did horrid today. Lots of coffee two biscuits and a whole can of spaghetti's.

I'm about to be forced into eating dinner too. Fuck my life.