God I want to punch a baby right now.

Had I not eaten that salad for lunch I would be so much fucking better off. I need to buy celery and spinach ASAP. I am so pissed off.

Did I not mention damn my impulsive behavior?

Back at 149. I could cry just shoot me please.

Damn my impulsive behavior.

I havn't lost any weight today so I am heading back to the gym tonight. Hopefully it all work out or I am going to fucking shoot myself. It's from me eatingore than I should have last night. I made fresh stuffed jalepenos. They were very good but now I feel like a fat ass for eating them. Fuck my life. That and Kelvin spent all our rent money. I don't know what to do.

SM

Just got back from the gym I'm now so fucking tired I could cry. And I'm hungry. But I can't eat. I wish I was still taking the cactus pills but I have at least one more week off off em or I will be in big trouble. I have been tryingto get in contact with a doctor that might help me with my brain problems. I have been having a very hard time concentrating on anything and honestly I do t know what's wrong with me these days. I mean even as a kid I had issues staying focused and I am beginning to wonder if I actually have ADD. I figure a doctor would be able to help me out with that. I have read up on the symptoms of add and I do have alot of them I can't sit still for very long and I always interrupt people and I can't ever focus on what I'm doing. I feel like I'm going to lose my job if I can't pin down something that could help. Vivance or adarol seem like the two medications that work the best but I don't know if it would actually work because I have never tried them before. Wish me luck at the doctors. Hopefully I can get an appointment with him and he can help me figure it all out.

SM

Ps. I am down to 148. Go me!

So boy trouble central. I need to be saved. I'm so worried about everything I'm losing Kelvin and my best friend Russ wants to be with me, but I love both of them. I don't know what to do. But I am down to 148.5 which is good news my progress is slow but realistic so I'm not worried. I need to go to the gym tonight and work out some this is killing me. I need to go work out hella bad. I'm gonna go walk the treadmill for a bit at the gym and then do some basic lifting so I can get stronger before Russ comes down I want to be beautiful like I know I could be. Losing weight is not enough. I need to burn fat and gain some muscle. I'm gonna look hot!

Today will be a good day I am sure of it.

-SM

Update! With some good news! Yay!

149.5 bitches! Only 19.5 pounds to go! I am both estatic and terrified! :) Go me!

Omfug.

151! I can't wait to be at 130! Only 21 pounds to go!

Oh yeah baby!

156.5! Although I do feel slightly anorexic these days I feel like I'm doing something great for myself for once. Fuck everybody else. For once I am putting myself first.