Lately I've been insecure and really unhappy with myself. I can't find clothes that look good on me. I am hungry but when I eat I feel like a fat ass. When I don't eat I feel like I'm anorexic and that scares me. The worst thing of all is that I've started a daily ritual of jumping on a scale and checking to see how much I weigh.
I haven't done this in years.
I feel ugly and fat and gross and poor Bird can barely stand being around me because I keep as he says: putting myself down. I can't seem to lose weight in a healthy manner and I don't want to starve myself. Any tips on how to go from 170 to 140 without killing myself in between?
I came to Texas at 187 pounds. I'm at 170 now. That's okay progress but I still feel and look fat. I don't know what to do. Part of me is scared to keep going and another part of me is scared to quit.
The worst part is that I have friends who are large and beautiful. They have full figures and are well proportioned; all in all I love the way they look and when I try to see myself the way I see them I can't I just see someone ugly. I wish I had a better way to do this because I am holding them and me up to a double standard. You are amazing I am just well... Not.
I can't help but feel like this weight thing is going to dominate my life. I want to lose weight but I want to be healthy about it. I've tried dieting and I always end up starving myself and then binge eating later. This sucks, I miss California and all I want right now is to go home. I don't know why but If I was back in California I don't think this would be a problem. I know I'm not making sense. You don't have to remind me.
Please keep me in your thoughts and if you've got any I would love some advice.
-Miss Sinister
