Great day after a shit day yesterday

I am so glad I went to the gym when I did. 

:3

141

Soon I will be perfect. :3

Thin is perfection; I’ll die trying to achieve it.

Binged purged then litterally ran away the calories. Overall I hope I did okay. 

Picking a wedding dress tomorrow is litterally breaking my brain! I'm so nervous! 

>.<' 

Help!

One more shit day.

I'm so ready to kill myself.

Good workout shit eating.

Gained weight. 144.5

I really need to start getting up early to do my workouts so I can eat and not have it be 10:00pm. 

That's seriously not helping to speed up my metabolism.

Also I need to be sleeping more at night.

Hopefully I can get in the swing of things and stick with it.

Still 143

While I am still at 143 and feeling slightly constipated on occasion I skipped the gym and ate some sugar free ice cream last night due to the Matthew drama.

Since I binged I'm just happy I did but gain weight.

It feels like I'm dying

Matt called off the wedding. He is gone he broke it off and now I'm alone and heartbroken.

This is the end of everything I had. 

144.5

15 pounds to go!

Hunger is a feeling, thin is a skill.

I’m not starving myself, I’m perfecting my emptiness.

Fucking awesome!

Back to 146

Starving is not pain it’s the cure.

Must not binge. 

147 not happy

Fml

145.5

Down is good.

I just wish it were faster.

146

Any forward motion. 

Fuck yes.

So tired

I miss Matthew, I wish he would come home and love me.

I'm glad I had a work out thank god for that.

Bad day of bad eating.

Hopefully I can not be a huge fuck up in the future.

Other than my bad eating how hard is it to find a pastor that isn't a close minded dooshbag?

Apparently it's not possible in Texas.

I am doing good I think.

I ate under my calories today and I worked out a bit. 

Hopefully I lose another pound by tomorrow. 

147

I may not be there yet but I’m closer than I was yesterday.

Down a pound and very happy!

On a secondary note...

I have a friend her name is Courtney and she is now my work out buddy and all that good stuffs. We are going to be working out at least three days a week. Focusing on cardio for weight loss. Matt is also starting to run/walk in the mornings. It's really exciting because it means I can start out my day and end it healthy.

So freaking stoked. :3

148

As long as the number is going down you will make it to your goal. :D

Fucking stoked!

Man trouble

I am so sick of Matt and his bullshit and I can't imagine being with him forever.

I think the only reason we are still together is because I'm scared of being alone.

I mean I love him but this is a disaster.

He is so bipolar. Happy mad happy mad.

I am so done.

Girl In My Mirror

I look in the mirror
I hate me
I look at my scale
I hate me

You used to tell me
I was perfect
You used to say
You cared

Now you tell me
I need more control
I can do that
I can eat less

So I actually made myself vomit

I should feel horrid but honestly I feel better. I know I shouldn't have eaten at all but I think it was good for me to get at least some of it out.

Hopefully I don't gain any weight.

Sinister<3

I'm at 150.5

I can't figure out why I'm not losing weight. What is wrong with me?

I gained .5 pounds

What is going on?