Someone help me.

You love me you hate me. I don't get it how you can look me in the face and tell me you love me and then you yell that you want to end our relationship.

We don't have a relationship anymore we have you screaming and me crying. I love how much you claim to care before you leave me for dead. I love that I can't have a kiss goodnight or a hug goodbye.

I could die and you wouldn't care.

My heart can't take this. And I mean literally it can't. I'm dying literally in the never getting back up kind of way.

But you really don't care do you.

I suppose you never did.

Fuck.

I just want to feel pretty.
Why is that so hard?
Help?

Again I find I have nothing nice to say.

I'm down to 147.5 pounds. Still fighting with my mirror every morning.

My boss did just tell me that I need to improve my attitude at work. Apparently showing up and doing my job isn't good enough. Now I have to smile 24 hours a day 7 days a week.

Fuck my life these days.

Diet pills?

So after looking for the hoodia pills I used to take I can't seem to find them, now I'm worried they got canceled. What pills are out there that boost metabolism and help control appetite? Which ones actually freaking work?

I don't want an energy booster because I don't want to fuck over my medication and too much caffeine screws me by the end of the day. I'm not wanting my heart to beat out of my chest.

Fuck my life!

I Feel. [Stupid Fucking Feelings]

Ever have a day when you just wanted to stab people. This would be that day, the only trouble is I would like to stab myself.

I'm all the way back up to 149 pounds, how have I gotten so big? Why hasn't anyone said anything to me? Matt has let me eat whatever for so long how to I go back to being healthy? I have a gym at my house why not use it?

What is wrong with me?

And here I sit, clinging to you like a child on christmas. We really are over; arn't we.

I found his notebook today, with some stupid letter about growing old together and it made me feel sick. Who am I kidding? I still feel sick. It's bad enough I have to see him everyday, now I have to feel like a fuck up because I'm the reason things ended so badly.

I get it. I am a bad person. WHY CAN'T YOU LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE?

I could be happy if it weren't for you! If I didn't have to see you all the time I wouldn't have to think about you all the time. I could think of my boyfriend who at times treats me like shit but he has always treated me a million times better than you did.

SO GO FUCK YOURSELF AND DIE.

Thanks
SM

I'm hoping one day I'll find buried treasure while I'm out digging graves

Fairy tales are supposed to teach moral values: Prince saves Princess, Good concurs Evil, Kissing toads yields trapped souls [and is completely hygienic].

I don't believe in fairy tales any more, at least not how they are believed to be. Jasmine ran away from home and fucked a poor boy to defy her father. Aladdin lied to marry a rich girl. Belle fell in love with a werewolf. Cinderella snuck out in the middle of the night to meet a boy and kiss him. Ariel ran away form home sold her body to be with a man who left her for someone with a prettier voice. Rapunzel let a strange man into her home and married him.

These stories just are not the same anymore. They don't show real love, not what it's really like. Love is about fighting and making up. It's about trusting in the other person with all of your soul. It's about believing that this is the one person you could grow old with. It's about talking, truly hearing what that person has to say and wanting to understand them. I wonder if there is any real love still out there?

Most people just marry for money or sex, sometimes both. I think it's sick.

On a side note I'm fucking discussing, I'm all the way back up to 158.5 pounds. I feel freaking huge. I have felt like shit lately and I've been using food to make myself feel better. Now I'm getting fat again. What the fuck is wrong with me?

Miss Sinister

Ah, what a humorous tragedy!

Save me please
I can't take the pain
I want to be happy
I want to be sane

With blood on my hands
And guilt in my heart
I can't help but feel
This is only the start

If you know what did
and you still follow though
Then perhaps finally we
Are better than you

We turn and we fight, we mix and we match; we love and we sin

Gods

If gods are supposed to love us

Why force us to be good?

And if we refuse to learn

Are we just misunderstood?

Your Drugs

Anymore of this drug

And I'll fall down dead

Your busy kicking my heart

Your stuck in my head

Heart O' Mine

This damn heart of mine

Can't quit drinking away my time

Please don't leave me on my own

You know I can't handle being alone

There is no such thing as a free ride; only the choice to pay now, or later.

There isn't much demand for blurry photographs
Or scrambled videos
Fuck
There isn't much demand for me these days
But these things
That video of us
That photo of you
Makes me smile

Please understand
For whatever reason you did what you did
You still did it
And that's why you are gone

I've never been good at being alone
I've tried to stay sober
I've tried to be kind
but I'm not over it
I will never be over it.

Was it suicide?
Did you do this to me on purpose?
I miss you everyday
Every goddamn day
And you still left me
maybe I'm being selfish
Poor you...
Was life to hard?
You had me
WASNT I ENOUGH?