Dear Old Friend

Tonight's the night
We’re going to make it right
Red hot like the sun
As the moon makes us move
There is nothing we can’t do
It’s moving us somewhere
But where we can’t tell
Who is beyond this wishing well?

The moon is out full like a light
Round like the sun it’s to bright
Moving grinding it’s to hot to breath
I fear we might be making a scene
Nothing to do we’ve got no plans
Soon this will be over our last stand
Then here we’ll be once again
You and I dear old friends

To Forget

Life’s a hell hole
Nothing’s left
People trying
To forget

Moving forward
Falling back
Nothings left here
Make a bet

Here we are
Once again
You and I
Dear old friends

Here I wonder
Where you’ve been
You say nothing
Time you’ve spent

I’m not stupid
I know you
You can’t see me
Yes you do

Here I pause
Take a breath
Hurt me silly
To forget

Dreaming About Nightmares

Dreams are often the imaginings of both children and their adult counterparts. They can look and seem real to the sleeper but in the end, upon waking one often finds that they are nothing more than the daylight trying to reach us while we sleep. So here lays my question, when our dreams start becoming reality is it fate giving us some real chance to change things? Or is it just coincidence?

My dreams are often nightmares, horrors that haunt me even in my waking hours. I can’t shake these nightly visions no matter what I’ve tried they always seem to find some way into my brain. Today for some reason unbeknown to me; one of them came true. Now most people would say that these dreams were only dreams and anything similar to them in what we know as the “real world” must be coincidence. Because life just wouldn’t make sense otherwise.

So what do we do when our dreams are really premonitions of the bad things yet to come? We move on, we keep trying to avoid them, and no matter what we thank fate that it has given us the chance to avoid a catastrophe.

SM

Conversations. Here Again.

God we were friends where the fuck did we go wrong? You were there we were partners. Now you don’t know anything. You don’t love me you never did. Let’s move on, I’m over it.

But you’re not over it, are you?

Never could be. I’m always busy trying to forget, and trying to remember. Trying to move on. Too many drugs, my not staying clean. Who are we blaming?

No one, we are blaming no one

It’s my fault; I can’t help it I can’t move on. I would rather stay here than ever move again. I need it. I need you, where are you? Where were you when I needed you before? Fuck you are no one to me, just a puppet for a bitch that doesn’t deserve a name. You will leave me as soon as you get the chance. You will lie to make me love you. Fuck you.

Don’t you believe in second chances?

Not for them not for me. He was my friend, he told me so. I learned the lessons, I learned to never forget.

You have trust issues.

Perhaps my issues are well earned.

You’re not making much sense.

You are a voice in my head. What do you get to say about making sense?

Apparently a lot more than you. Why is it that every person who loves you is lying to you? Why can’t you grow up? Why can’t you just move on?

Moving on is painful.

You’ve been looking for a way to hurt yourself. At least this is going to end healthy.

So you think. You don’t know. If you can’t be a hundred percent certain it isn’t worth it.

If that were true you would be clean.

I am clean! Sort of anyhow, besides I am doing much better!

Better is okay. Okay is not good.

Fuck this I’m over it.

You will regret this.

Lets add it to the list.

Update anyone?

So here is the biggest update in my life.
Holy fucking shit and the blessed virgin mother of god…
I’m getting married.

*insert girlish high pitched screaming and dancing here*

Recently Wolf left my side. Mates don’t do that and any pack members who read this will know, just like I know, that it is unnatural sick and wrong for mates to move apart, no matter the distance. Life might get better with the monetary issues, but on the inside we both will be torn to shreds until we see each other again.

Wolf, if you are reading this then just know I miss you like crazy and I love you.

Now on to the rest.

So, my brother called and he apparently still loves and cares about me. This I find ironic. The one person in my life who I loved more than anything who was my brother, my fucking blood, was the one who betrayed me. Stabbed me in the back. So to his statement I respond with:

“Really? You think that’s a good idea? You want me back in your life? Well to bad, I don’t want you or your drama filled bullshit. Not you or anyone connected to you. Please go and die.”

My brother, is an ass-face. Don’t get me wrong, I love him but he is a real fucking jerk. I do miss him and in reality I am just as stubborn as he is. So there it is.

Moving on, I know I really got to get my life back together. And I’m not going back on my old ways. If you are in any way in contact with the people I hate, I will not speak with you or contact you. You can rot and die. I won’t put myself in a position where I will make bad choices; I have enough of that at home when I’m alone. I don’t need your help.

The second I get hurt out they went. Take that as a fucking warning America, if Obama keeps pissing me off I might have to throw him out of office. And how do I suggest we do that? REVO-FUCKING-LUTION! I vote we charge down to the white house and just start blowing shit up. Then when I am president, slash tyrannical dictator, we will kill anyone who has ever pissed me off.

:]

See everybody wins in chess!

<3

Mayhem

Missing You

Missing you, is all I know
Being here is so far from home
Please tell me that you won’t roam
Because I’ve got no where else to go

Lover I know it is hard
I know that you and I have scars
But we can learn from our mistakes
Because we have what it takes

Distance makes the heart grow strong
But we can’t do this very long
Lover tell me you’ll come home
I miss you, and you should know

There is nothing we can’t do
No trouble we can’t get through
But you and I are strong together
Far apart? Not now, not ever

For when we aren’t close at hand
Lover this is our last stand
The last trial, were far apart
But always together in our hearts

[M e m o r i e s A r e F o r e v e r]

These are a few quotes that remind me of the most important people in my life. If you can guess who they go to, you win a special prize.

"Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Take what’cha can and give nothing back!"

“I’m paranoid as fuck.”
“And just how paranoid is fuck?”
“Pretty fucking paranoid, I’d say.”

"Guess the sky’s crying it out for you. Might as well be. Just watching you and your old man go at it makes me feel like I’m being drenched in them anyway."

“One of these days, Audrey, one of these days… To the moon!”

“You can't take the whole world on your shoulders all the time, man. It gets fucking heavy, you know?”

So I couldn’t help but post these here since they brightened my day considerably. I love you all and can’t wait to post again soon.

Mayhem